I’ve shared how my life has taken some unexpected turns—my diagnosis in 2010 and our four-plus-year adoption journey being some of the biggest so far. And while both of these have brought excruciating pain and loss, they’ve also brought something else: A new perspective.
My hubby and I were talking the other night about the markers of a healthy relationship. I had come across an article in one of my social media feeds about what makes marriages work. We went through the list and were brutally honest with each other about where we thought we were doing well and where we could use improvement. It was one of those moments that reminded me of the gift we’ve been given in this Plan B of ours: We just don’t care about the small stuff.
When you’ve seen two generations of your family devastated by a disease that you carry, you just don’t care if your spouse loads the dishwasher just so. Or, if you’ve been waiting to meet your son or daughter for going on five years, fights about who said what are just a waste of time. You see, we’re investing our energy and focus in what matters more to us. We’ve realized we’re on the same team in this journey called life, and there’s just no sense in tearing each other down along the way. Circumstances have a way of doing that well enough on their own. Why help ’em out?
Our marriage is far from perfect—and it never will be, because we won’t be on this side of Heaven. But, we’ve been given new eyes for each other and for this life. We’ve been given an urgency that we wouldn’t otherwise have. And we’ve been given humble gratitude for our story and for the Author who we trust is still penning it.
I’d like to say I’d have these things if I didn’t have the gene for Huntington’s, or if we’d been able to get pregnant on our own no problem, but I can’t. Because I wouldn’t. I don’t believe we serve a God who throws hard things at us for the fun of it. But I do believe with every fiber of my being that He allows those things into our lives to shape us into His likeness, so that we become people who reflect His glory. And all these things we get along the way—a new perspective, deeper joy, an abiding peace, and a fuller understanding of His love—they’re the icing on the cake. And the icing is mighty good, my friends.